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And today…
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If you’re reading this blog post too late, then you may have missed it. Don’t leave a comment to complain because there’s nothing I can do. I DID tell you it’s a limited offer
The surroundings we live in is a major factor that develops a person's attitude. & of course, genes & inheritance.
A family that emphasises on manners, will produce a well-mannered child. Where on the other hand, a family that puts little importance in that, would produce someone who is of bad behaviour.
Not only is the upbringing of a person important, but also the influence of one's peers.
What I see, are those who are from broken families.
A guy whose father abandoned his family for another woman might find relationships to be of little significance.
A girl whose parents that doesn't love one another might have insecurities.
And I've seen how it relates to how a person behaves. I realised that in every reaction in them, I see how their parents have affected them. I see what the drama in their parents lives caused them.
***
Bittersweet
It was a hot Friday afternoon, and the business was slow. It's nearing the end of the year & Jane was hoping that the sales would get better. Candies & sweets may not sell as well in Christmas as in Valentine's but it'd pay the rent at least. It was roughly 15 minutes ago when she saw a little girl in school uniform walking into the store. The little girl stared at the shop's largest lollipop on display.
She paid little attention to that little girl as it was usual for kids to be awed by that lollipop. It had pastel colors and it's as large as a regular person's face. What caught her attention was that seconds after seeing the girl's eyes grow wide in amazement, was the tears that started flowing from it. It was unusual.
Briskly, she walked over to the girl, with tissues in hand to comfort her. The little girl was sobbing profusely and all Jane could do was to tell the little girl that everything will be fine.
"Where are your parents?", Jane asked. "I don't know. It happens all the time." "What happens all the time?" "Mommy forgets that it's her turn and daddy thinks that it's mommy's turn." she explained between sobs.
Jane didn't want to ask further as it might be the reason the little girl is crying but she needed to contact someone.
"Aren't you supposed to be home?" "Yes", the little girl answered. "Where do you stay?" "It's different everyday and today's Friday." Jane didn't quite understand but she played along, "and where do you stay on Fridays?" "I stay with mommy."
Jane soon had the number to contact the little girl's mother and she was on her way there to pick her up. While Jane waited, she couldn't help to ask.
"Why did you cry? Did you want that lollipop?"
The little girl shooked her head.
"I do want it badly. But I thought if I could exchange it for something else with Santa." "What do you want to exchange it for?" "On Christmas day, I'd want to have both mommy & daddy."
***
This really short story was something I came up with at this very late hour when I couldn't sleep & all of a sudden I feel all emotional etc.
It's not perfect & I bet it's full of errors with maybe several minor facts-gone-wrong. I didn't do a research & it was just merely based on what I think & how I feel, so yeah.
I just hope you readers get the gist of it & the feeling I want to portray.
In a kid's world, I believe everything's simple. A candy could actually mean alot to a child and this little girl was hoping that if she sacrifices something that she values, she might be able to have something else in return.
Idk if there's anyone who thinks that it's stupid to put the value of a lollipop similar of parental love. But it's true that somewhere out there, there are kids who are still hoping & wishing.
It does not only apply to kids, being adults doesn't help much. There's still the impact.
& so...this post is just to share out my feelings & my thoughts on this issue. There's no motive nor meaning behind this. Just merely one of those things that I think that all of us should give a thought about.
'In order to be loved, you got to start loving yourself', he said. 'You're better than this'.
Although it pains me, I got to stop loving someone who doesn't love me & won't ever love me back. It takes a lot of courage to let go. If you don't have the courage & determination to do it, I will. & I have. To accept the fact that you never needed me, that was the hardest part. To face the fact that you never loved me, it almost killed me. But yes, this shall be the pillars of my future.
I guess you won't ask me to stay. So goodbye.
I'd hurt & I'd cry. But at least I stick to my decisions, unlike you. When you regret, please don't come running back to me. Cause it's just going to be pathetic.
I woke up this morning & I thought of how Life has been toying with me. I thought of how laughable I was in the past few months. & how unfair everything was to me.
Now that I think of it, it was all Emotion's fault. I'm a wreck sometimes, so are all of us. It's just how we deal with it that differs.
There are always people coming to me, for support & advice. & all these times, I've never been the harsh type of person to slap a person in the face with reality to wake them up. I have always been the type to say things a person wants to hear & to put things in ways that are easier to be accepted.
All of us complain. We complain of all the things we don't like & it just never ends. Will we ever be satisfied?
Have we ever thought of embracing it? Nobody is perfect. You might dislike something about a person, but hey, that person might also not like some of your qualities. Is it that difficult to accept the imperfections?
We talk about how things are never going smoothly or how things are never fair to us. We say that this damned world is never fair. & yes, it's true. Ever thought about those people who are less well off than us? Is it fair for someone to be handicapped? & at that very same moment we say how shitty life is, there might be someone else somewhere who might be facing death. Someone might have lost someone they loved. Would you say Life is fair to them?
Why not be grateful & appreciate what we have?
In comparison to so many people out there, the problems some of us face are considered minor issues. With a little bit of determination, courage, will & persistence, we will be able to go through it. We are given a choice. But there are some, who aren't. They do not get to choose. Death & Sickness comes & go as they wish. Accidents happen whenever it feels like striking.
Who knows if tomorrow we'll choke on our own saliva & up we go to heaven.
It is to live everyday to the fullest like there's no tomorrow.
It's what I've exactly been doing. I've been trying to make it up to the people that I've abandoned previously. To the people that I've never really appreciated. Cause these are the people that I put close to my heart. Eventhough someone may have hurt me, caused me so much pain that at times, I'd rather die, I won't ever want to regret. I don't want to be in my grave one day thinking things like "I should have"..."If only I had" or "What ifs".
I believe that this it how it should be.
There are times, there are certain things that happen to us that we hate to face. But I'd say that it is meant to be. It's part of life. It's part of the development of ourselves. One day, we'd look back & reminisce about today.
In life, there are paths to choose. There are decisions to make. Once we've chosen, walk all the way. Don't go halfway, make a U-turn, & try other paths. If so, we'll never move forward. We'll end up trying all the paths but never ever finishing one. So do choose carefully & never regret it. We may all wonder what the other paths will lead us to, but again, there's no such thing as having everything. In order to have something, we have to give up something. Opportunity costs, my friend would say.
We all do know all the things I've wrote. We perfectly know that life is so fragile that we could easily lose it. We know that sometimes, we got to stop, look around & just appreciate all the things around us & all the people we have as these are the people that are the pillars of our life. We know that we shall not regret & we know that in life, it is how we react to the difficulties & challenges that determines the rest of our day. We know that with calm and patience only would life be easier. We all do know, but we are always blinded by our emotions & by doubts. At times, we do forget.
So people, be glad of the decisions you've made, love the people you have & embrace the imperfections of this damned world. Be thankful, because one way or another, it has all played a part in our lives to bring us to who we are today.
Smile when you're happy & cry when you're sad. Laugh out loud cause it might just be the start of a smile for others. It's infectious. :)
Before signing off, I want to say that I'll always be here, not only for the good times, but also for the bad times. Although you may be selfish & only want the good times from me, it does not matter because I'll be here for you, all of you.
Don't think Li Ean. That's all you have to do. Don't think. Don't even touch the subject.
Stay away from it & you'll be fine. Just avoid it until it goes away.
Time. It's time that you need. With time, it'll go away.
Just smile. :) Life goes on. Just keep smiling. Keep pushing forward.
You know everyday, he'll screw your emotions with something. He'll smash all hopes & he'll kill every determination you have left. But it's you who determines whether you want to let him do so.
So just keep going. No matter whatever the shit, just keep going.
There will be a day, that you just won't care anymore. Just wait for that day to come.
Cause there will be a day when your heart won't ache because of him anymore. There will be a day when he no longer matters. That will be the day when you won't cry to love songs. That will be when you won't think of him before you sleep anymore.
Just wait. Live on til that day comes.
It will. Believe & have faith. :)
It's me who comforts you, you who hurt me. I told you that everything is going to be ok. But I would also want someone to hug me & tell me that all this pain will be over soon. All you can tell me when I'm hurting is not to be like this. I thank you for your time, for your effort, for your words, for your kindness, for everything you have done. Thank you.
I'm turning 20 soon & I'll no longer be a teenager anymore. When I thought about it, I can't help to look back at all the memories I had of growing up into this person I am today.
All of us would have went through alot of different phases in life & today, I want to share about all the first time experiences in my life that I can remember.
Do bear in mind, it's all me, doing things for the first time.
1. The first thing that popped into my mind was my first time riding a bicycle. My dad bought me a pricey bicycle and it was of course, my first bicycle. And it's two-wheeled!!! Not easy for a person who has no whatsoever experience with bicycles. & so, I tried cycling & I fell. This is common among us, I guess. But the important part is the part where nobody actually was guiding me, I was doing it all alone when I fell & there was this bunch of kids there, watching & laughing as I fall. Surpriingly, it actually made me more determined instead of dampening my determination. And that's how I learnt how to ride a bicycle.
2. There was this once, after coming home from school, daddy was in a hurry. So he asked me to fry an egg. I was caught off guard!!! But nevermind, I thought, how hard could it be? So, I turned on the gas, poured in some oil & in goes the egg into the frying pan. I did that part right. What I did wrong was controlling the fire. It was turned up too high. The egg almost immediately turned brown to black. Daddy was furious then.
3. Buying my first bra. ^^ Girls would definitely understand this phase. It's so embarassing! I was so conscious of the people around me!!! I mean like, hello, this is what I wear on the inside & you people can like just stare at me going through it. I don't know really. It was a teenager thing. It's not so embarassing now. I don't even mind walking around the mall while I hold onto one or more. LOL. It's just like it has turned the other way round. I'm proud of my bras. They're my best friends. HAHA
4. It was time to know what losing means. Losing a match, losing someone, feeling hurt & all the negative feelings possible. I went down, I thought I would never be able to stand up again, but that's how it is. The first time falling, the first time encountering such negative feelings, it's be difficult to stand back up alone. That's what family & friends are for. But we all do know, that after a few times, it gets easier. Every single time we fall, we get stronger. So, do thank those who break your heart and those who puts you down. Do remember, it's the cycle of life. We have ups & downs. Just like a spinning wheel. For a moment, we may be down but be positive cause the next minute, things may go the other way round. :)
5. The first time being kissed!!! On the lips, of course. It was crazy. Haha. Not crazy as in amazing or exciting or anything of that sort. I say it's crazy cause I was so nervous that I could feel myself shaking. & boy was I happy that it was over since he wasn't such a good kisser. Sorry to hurt your feelings if you ever see this. Hah.
6. First boyfriend. I admit, it wasn't anything serious. & my mindset during that time was pretty much like this: 'he's just an experiment so no feelings shall be put into it.' I know I'm evil & wicked and all the bad words you readers are thinking, but honestly, I was only, say, 15? Thereabout... So what do you expect from an immature 15 year old teenager, right?
7. First contact lens. I had pretty much difficulty with wearing one. No one was there to teach me so I was pretty much stabbing my own eyes. I succeeded in wearing one but then I had to start worrying how to take it off. I was so scared!!! But again, I got through it without damaging my eyes in the process.
8. My first love. This was heartbreaking. Just like every other first loves, it was difficult to maintain. & the emotional turmoil I had to go through could have sent me to Tanjung Rambutan if it hadn't been for my girlfriends who were by my side. It was only when I learnt how pain it is to lose that someone only did I learn that what loving someone is.
9. Extracting a tooth!!! It was recently that I had my first time extracting a tooth. It was just a few days ago. It was like going on a rollercoaster ride. I was nervous and calm at the same time. Fearful yet brave. Haha. Oxymoron. I'm 20 years old & it's my first time extracting a tooth. My daddy didn't want to accompany me cause he said I'm too manja. I'd have asked him a million questions cause that's what I do when I get nervous. I talk non-stop & I ask non-stop. So he decided to abandon me but I'm glad he did. Cause now I know, I can face things on my own. I'm independent! LOL
10. Running away from home. I was a really naughty & rebellious kid. But guess what, I wasn't brave enough. I had my daddy's bad temper in me. One day, in the afternoon, somehow mommy provoked me. It got me so mad and upset, and I think it has something got to do with the jealousy of having to share my parents with a someone I call a sister. I grabbed the keys, opened the gate & walked out. I didn't know where to go really. I was just 6 or 7 maybe. I barely made it to 3 houses before I turned back & headed home. It's embarassing to talk bout this but yeah, it was part of me growing up. We always do stupid things out of anger or whatever emotions that may have provoked it but I guess we all have to keep telling ourselves that if we were to regret it after doing it, then don't.
So...that's all! 10 first-times of my life, though not all exciting and some quite ordinary, but, it was part of me!!! Part of this amazing little girl who's going to turn 20 soon!!! :D
Enjoy youth & live your life! Not waste it. I mean literally, please girls, don't waste it on alcohol and bla bla bla just because it helps you to forget. It's ok to go have fun but don't use it as a medium to forget.
Love you everyone!
Lastly, I want to dedicate a song to a guy who's hurting so much recently. 'Witch Doctor' by Alvin and The Chipmunks. Why this song? Cause my sister played it for me while I was sick & I loved it.
Just finished an episode of Forensic Heroes 3. ^^ All of a sudden, I feel like surprises doesn't have to be huge and grand. It only has to be meaningful & from the heart. LOL.
It's random but yeah...I wouldn't want anything over the top either. Just something simple & nice. :)
That's all! Back to my drama...while I wait for my sis to come home from school then I'll have to head back to college.
It's going to be a long day ahead!!! Oh jyeah~! Add oil Li Ean!!!!!!!! ^^<3
I know I can't compare to your ex-girlfriends. It's not a wonder that you guys will go back to her. So what does that make me? :) I am not so sure what too.
Point is, at least now I know that you guys' hearts are still with her. You still care for her. You still think of her, and they are the ones on your minds before you sleep.
So, so what?
So, don't tell me things I want to hear, make me promises that you guys can never keep, swear this & swear that, when in reality you don't even know what the heck you're talking about. Just don't.
Just leave. Don't even bother looking back. & friendship with assholes like you? I'd rather stick toothpicks in my eyes.
